Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
