highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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