HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
