I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
