Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Randomize
