I cannot find my penis.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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