it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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