and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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