So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
