All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
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