Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
