I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize