I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
