Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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