Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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