I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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