i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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