You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
