so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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