My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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