Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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