My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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