birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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