her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
