Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Im part way to drunk.
Randomize
