if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
He told me they were just razor bumps!
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
