I can tuck mytits in my pants
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
