I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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