I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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