I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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