Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
