so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
