Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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