My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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