grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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