I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize