So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
