I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
