i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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