i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
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