Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
