Barsexuality is the new black.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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