So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
