You can't special order awesome
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
