At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
