i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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