ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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