If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize