so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
