i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
