just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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