Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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