were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Randomize
