I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize