i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
