these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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