This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
