Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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