the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
