sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
