I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize