Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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