apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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