Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Randomize
