So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
