Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
