even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
