just survived the first fart of the relationship.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
