This dress was meant to end up on your floor
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I queefed so loud it echoed.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
