last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
