Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
