she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
