I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
