Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
50% drunk capacity currently
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
