i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Jerry, you need to find god
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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