I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
