the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Randomize
