ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
is wine microwaveable?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
