Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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