a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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