i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
