I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Randomize
