I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
