I will die if light touches me.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Randomize