it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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