You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
