I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Randomize
