If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
