My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
