Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
