Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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