My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
