Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Randomize
