literally had 100 drinks last night.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
