everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
