apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
