You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Randomize
