Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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