You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
