We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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