I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
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