woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
