My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
