I skipped work to stalk him.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize