I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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