girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
