lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Randomize
