How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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