Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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