She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
