nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
