I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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