I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
