He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
